I can appreciate me.

Have you ever been in a conversation with someone when they compliment you? Your reaction may be similar to what mine is and was. I discovered that I did not like to accept what I was being told and usually replied with another compliment to avoid thinking about what they said. I began to realize that I had made it a habit to avoid appreciating my good qualities. Why is this?

It took some searching to discover why this habit was as it just seemed to be a part of me. I found that I was very focused on the mistakes I made and on the things that I wasn’t good at, so much that it consumed me. I was and am quite a perfectionist and people pleaser. I realized that it got in the way of me actually having positive relationships with people. I loved to be around people. Yet, I didn’t realize that I couldn’t really be around people while being happy if I didn’t let go of something here.

I started looking into ways to change how I went about my life. One of my biggest discoveries was found in practicing a new approach to conversation. I decided that I was going to thank people for the compliments I would get instead of redirecting the conversation automatically. I didn’t need to take the attention off of the compliment. I would think about what they said, I would make sure that I was acknowledging what they said, for myself. This brought me happiness and also improved how I talked with others. I became more authentic and present to who they were and what they were saying. If I just dished out another compliment in their direction it wasn’t something that was really truthful in that moment. I was saying it because I thought I should.

I began to feel stronger in my own qualities, which in turn made me more aware of others as well. And I was no longer comparing myself to them. This was another habit that formed out of me not accepting my good qualities - I would get jealous, thinking others were better than me. Negative thinking really stopped me from seeing what was right in front of me, along with stopping me from living my life fully in a way that contributed to others!

Another big discovery that came my way involved taking a survey. I asked people I was close to and people I just recently met questions about myself, in regards to my qualities and what they saw I could improve on. I didn’t know what I would take from this, it seemed like a weird thing to do, and I honestly didn’t know why it was suggested in my studies. The outcome of the survey was truly brilliant. When I decided to think negatively about myself on a regular basis, I would automatically just see things that were negative, and would choose to avoid looking at things that would contradict the negativity. However, what I discovered in the survey was that everyone seemed to see the same good qualities in me. I started to think about that in regards to my views on myself. How would 6 people be wrong here, and I would be right? I realized it was all just what I was choosing to see. All of the sudden I became someone who could see what I was doing as I did it, which made it easier to control the habit of putting myself down. One of the other questions was about what I could improve on, this was also very interesting to me. I began to notice that people wanted me to step up in my life, be confident in who I was, and what I could do for others. It became quite the empowering change in my life. Just out of these conversations I found my strength to use my discovered qualities, and to change the lives of those around me. I began to take ownership of who I was to my community and myself, I started being able to be a part of my world instead of being an observer.

I challenge you to see yourself as a contribution to yourself and others. I challenge you to look at yourself as a valued human being. Because when you hold yourself back, you are not letting people have the opportunity to have you in their lives - not fully. You are also limiting the joy and happiness you find in what is right in front of you. Set your amazing self free, to be who you have been all along… the you, you just couldn’t see.